“That’s My Daddy”

Before I start my story I have to say that I have the greatest life.  I am living the life I have always dreamed of.  But here’s the thing.  I always have new hopes and dreams showing up.  The question for me is Should I be just happy where I am or should I be pushing for more?   I seem to really ask the question when my new en devours hit road blocks and seem unattainable.  Just recently I was having that very experience and becoming quite frustrated.  I almost decided in my mind to give up on my latest dream or better yet just be happy where I am but I had two problems. One was the dream, my aspirations seem to pull on me so much.  The other problem was my youngest son Jordan’s voice.  He is three years old and this morning when he woke up and came downstairs he said what he often says.  “That’s my daddy.”  I thought how can I give up my newest dreams I have to be all I can be and live to the fullest for him.  I am his example.

When I hear his voice in my head over and over again and I am reminded that I am the example.  Yet I am still conflicted.  As I go through the day still debating I am watching General Hospital.  Yes I know it is a soap opera.  So what.  I watch for the gangster, Sonny.  Anyway Patrick is talking to Elizabeth saying it’s just like when you are in an airplane and something goes wrong they tell you to put on your gas mask first and then the child’s.  You have to be whole to be there for the child.  Once again I was shocked and could barely feel my body.  I said “that’s my answer I have to live this life to the fullest for my kids and those who depend on me and move towards my dreams .”  I also knew I could not get attached to any dream, I had to live this tricky balance of being in the world but not of it.  Move towards my dreams yet know I am the place to be right now.  I have to know it does not matter if the dream is achieved but it very much matters that I am fully alive being true to my heart.