Why is this happening to me? That is the question I was asking myself as I was sitting on the edge of me bed. Why am I having trouble meditating and getting back to sleep? In the back of my mind I already knew the answer, but I did not want to accept it. My answer? I was not being true to myself. Even though it was only an estimate for a job. Even though it was one of many estimates that I do, and most are right on. On this one I cheated myself and my business and I knew it. Not only did I know it but here I was thinking about it at 4:30 am. I agreed to things that I should not have agreed to simply because it was our slow time. It felt like a violation. And I could see other similar situations in my life where I was not totally being true to my feelings.
As I sat there, I was reminded of page 100 in Radiant Road To Reality by Dr. Thind. I knew the page and the exact page number of the page, because of how much it caught my attention years ago. It talks about how we must be led from within. It talks about how we must engage in our own dharma or duty, that that feels right. It talks about how if we go contrary to our highest nature and dharma, it is the slaying of the soul. I knew in all situations like this I was being more focused on outcome than I should be, and not trusting God and the Universe enough to be 100% true and let the chips fall where they may.
I decided I would get up and look for an answer. I opened to a helpful hint in the back of the first book I wrote What If My Soul Is Eternal and Heaven is Everywhere? The passage read “Ask yourself Why is this happening to me? What do I need to learn from this?” I laughed and said “I must be true myself and lesson in all situations, and trust that God and the Universe will handle the rest.