This is a letter to myself and I am not even sure if it will make the blog. If you find yourself reading it I guess that means that after I read it for myself I thought that sharing it may be of benefit to someone.
I am having an incredible moment of clarity. I hope I can get all my thoughts down fast enough. Today was like a culmination point for me. For some time I have been feeling like something is missing. I could not pin point it. Today it was bothering me so much that I wanted to cry from the pain of unhappiness. I felt like nothing could make me happy. The crazy thing is I have such a great life and I am usually quite happy, and alive. Even though that may be the case, in my unhappy moment, I felt like if I got everything I wanted materially, including more than enough money, and all that comes with that, perfect health and perfect family life, all that I want for my kids and family, I would still feel this emptiness. I was truly feeling like nothing of this world could interest me or excite me on a satisfactory level. I knew I needed a new adventure, something to be excited about, but felt like maybe that would not even be enough. I came home and went to sleep early.
When I woke up I watched some television. Afterwards I opened a few books all of which talked about spirituality and cosmic consciousness. As I read I noticed how incredibly interested I was. It reminded me of the days of old when I would meditate just to discover as much of God’s incredible Universe as I could. I would meditate and have incredible dreamlike experiences. These experiences would make me want to go deeper to see and understand more. As I thought about this I felt so alive. I read from one book to another thinking about how great it was going to be when I meditate later this same evening. I was back. My new adventure was my old adventure renewed, to discover as much of God and The Universe’s hidden realities as possible out of pure love and interest, not for any personal gain what so ever.
Having made it back to my old self, I realized that in recent years with my new marriage and family life and added responsibilities I still meditated, I still had wonderful lessons and experiences but the motive was clouded. I was focused on how the meditation could help with my holding together my business, family life etc. more than I was into it just for the pure love and enjoyment of it. I knew from experience that the meditation and metaphysics would help me achieve all the things I needed to achieve in life and unknowingly too often had the seemingly important duties of house, family, security, and achievement for most in mind. I must say that my spiritual life has helped me to hold it all together and take care of all these duties, sometimes against great odds. I have even experienced miracles in the process.
But as I said before, now I am back into the meditation for the interest and discoveries more than to fix whatever thing is going on at the moment, and it feels very freeing and incredibly good. As I think about this and watch one of my favorite videos on spiritual life, my headache that I have had all day leaves. This of course is a reminder that I am on the right track. I am so thankful.
In the midst of my happiness, peace and calm excitement, I find myself wanting to build the Meditative Zone community. I have been doing this for sometime but had recently had been somewhat laid back, lacking the enthusiasm that I first had for the venture. Now once again I find myself wanting to move forward on it like it is part of my life’s mission for new reasons that have nothing to do with ego and accomplishment. In some way I feel like this is what God has been wanting for me, and been waiting on me to do, move forward with the meditative science purely for the love and discovery, and share all that I learn along the way. I can see that I need to share more. Share as much as I can about God and the wonderful ways of the Universe and connect more with those who are truly interested. I plan to go this with the Meditative Zone and Positive Ambassador Community and Movement.
Craig
I didn’t realize at first that there was more to this post on Clarity. I am so excited about your renewed motivation and drive, and so lucky to be here getting this. I’ll bet a lot of people don’t realize how great this zone really is, and all that you offer here. I feel so blessed, and I am really glad to be off of the side tracks spiritually that I was on. We do love to get sidetracked. I see that more and more out there. When I look at the numbers of how many people are on the Enlightenment members part of this deal, it bothers me, cause frankly those numbers should be shooting off the charts. I believe that speaks to people loving to get sidetracked out there else where spiritually. There are a lot of sidetracks out there on the spiritual path (supposedly), with way bigger numbers than I see here. For me, more clarity came when I stopped visiting some of the
other spiritual sites and stuff that’s out there.
I think I got a little more last night too, listening to my Jesus radio channel here. They were talking about trusting God with all of our hearts and souls and beings, more than material things. I needed to hear that again.
“God is my rock, and always has my back” is. a quote from my old teacher, Margaret. I really like that saying, it speaks volumes to me. And maybe that’s just another way of saying, that God is the strength of my life. My very breath really, and I so take God and these great gifts for granted.
When I don’t put God first, my days don’t run smoothly. My truth is though, I don’t do it well or whole heartedly enuf, until the pain of my suffering from not letting God Force lead me gets so great
that I am in agony inside of myself.
The Jesus channel, I call it, was also talking about being grateful for all of the things that hurt us because in that, through the pain, and somehow by being grateful for it, comes God’s grace somehow, and even opportunities it seems to be more of service. They were talking about it using chapters from John and stuff, which i couldn’t find in a bible very easily, as I am not well versed or educated with it.
My clarity is coming, I believe, but I don’t thinks it’s fully here yet. And for me, sorry about my luck, but I most often require emotional agony and great inner pain before I am willing to totally rely on God and listen and look for messages and signs.
To really let God lead, and really love God with all of my heart and being.
I am sorry that this is my truth for most times, but it is.
I totally look forward to more of your sharing teacher.
Thank you,
Karen Kozak