This morning I awakened from an unpleasant dream. In the dream someone made me quite angry and disrespected my daughter. I let it go at the time but later out of the blue my anger got the best of me and I hit the guy. I hit him pretty hard in the face, right in front of my children, and then told him to get up and fight. I soon awakened.
The dream seemed to affect me more than I would have thought. I kept thinking about how dark the whole scene was and how angry I was. I also thought about how in the dream I did not do what my teacher told me I should do in certain situations. I did not address it right away. Instead I kept thinking about it getting angrier and angrier until I exploded. Interestingly as I began to blog about this dream I remembered that on my favorite television show, there is a character who I tend to identify with. The evening before the dream I almost could not watch because his daughter was being mistreated. I was disgusted, but watched anyway. My daughter is the same age as the girl on the show.
What do I take from all of this. One thing is, I am fortunate to have my dreams to tell me more about myself and warn me of possible problems in my world. We all have these dreams telling us about feelings we may not even know we have. We also have dreams telling us about ideas we can move on and much more. We just have to learn how to pay attention to our dreams. I also am reminded to pay attention to my lessons. In the dream I knew I should address the problem right away, but tried to let it go. I should have paid attention to my intuition. Not only do I do this in dream, but in real life. I need to take heed to my intuition and do what I know I should. This also applies to my watching the television show, knowing it was making me angry as I watched my boy Sonny’s daughter, Christina, being mistreated on General Hospital. I should turned it off and put on one of my uplifting movies. I could always come back and watch another evening. Last, I need to finish my dream book.
My teacher, Mr. Ambrister, used to say that “I am much different when my students are around.” This is just one of several sayings he had that helped to understand what it means to be a Guru. With this saying he was trying to stress the point that although he was our teacher and Guru, he was still very much human. He was a man, growing in life, just like the rest of us, but when the subject of God and Spirituality came up he was a whole different person. It was as though God came directly through him to talk to us and give us insights and answers to whatever was going on in our world. And I must say everything he told me was like a message from God, and he was always right. He even described what my life would be like years after his passing, predicting things that no one should be able to. And yes he was right on the money.
He once told me that the day that I met him, the questions I had were so deep that he did not even have the answers to them. Yet he answered them all quite eloquently. He said that as fast as I asked the questions, the answers were flying out of his mouth and he had no idea where the answers were coming from. I have had similar experiences with my students and wondered “Where did the information I shared come from?” Sometimes I would want to literally stop and write down the answers I would be giving. During such times I realized I was like my teacher, much different when my students were around.
As far as how this relates to the positive path. It does not get much more positive than this. The idea is that a Guru is a human vessel that God comes through in order to help you realize more of your oneness with God or all positivity, yet very much human, growing into more of the oneness also. During such times when with students the teacher is so tuned into the spiritual that he or she loses himself or herself in the process so more of God and the Universe can come through. The truth is that we are all human vessels that God can come through. The more we tune in and let go of our ego, the more we allow the light to come through. “Do not hide your lamp under a bushel.”
As I originally said this is just one of the things my teacher would speak on that helped to understand the guru concept. I will be sharing more in the near future.
With the meditation teachings my websites, blog, You tube, etc. I simply want to share. I want to share what I learn and let the rest fall where it may. I want to be free in this process. When I think about doing this I am free. I also want the same for my gutter and window business. I want to give the best service that we can at a fair price to as many as we can while being the best service we can. With my home and family life I hope to do the same give the best I can and hope they can understand where I come from. If not I still give all I can and let God handle the rest. Thank you God for this moment of clarity.
I remind myself of these things because it is so easy to forget and get caught up on outcome, being concerned with how much can I get out of these things. I also remind myself that the more I meditate, the easier it is to remember my true motivation with these pursuits.
This is a letter to myself and I am not even sure if it will make the blog. If you find yourself reading it I guess that means that after I read it for myself I thought that sharing it may be of benefit to someone.
I am having an incredible moment of clarity. I hope I can get all my thoughts down fast enough. Today was like a culmination point for me. For some time I have been feeling like something is missing. I could not pin point it. Today it was bothering me so much that I wanted to cry from the pain of unhappiness. I felt like nothing could make me happy. The crazy thing is I have such a great life and I am usually quite happy, and alive. Even though that may be the case, in my unhappy moment, I felt like if I got everything I wanted materially, including more than enough money, and all that comes with that, perfect health and perfect family life, all that I want for my kids and family, I would still feel this emptiness. I was truly feeling like nothing of this world could interest me or excite me on a satisfactory level. I knew I needed a new adventure, something to be excited about, but felt like maybe that would not even be enough. I came home and went to sleep early.
When I woke up I watched some television. Afterwards I opened a few books all of which talked about spirituality and cosmic consciousness. As I read I noticed how incredibly interested I was. It reminded me of the days of old when I would meditate just to discover as much of God’s incredible Universe as I could. I would meditate and have incredible dreamlike experiences. These experiences would make me want to go deeper to see and understand more. As I thought about this I felt so alive. I read from one book to another thinking about how great it was going to be when I meditate later this same evening. I was back. My new adventure was my old adventure renewed, to discover as much of God and The Universe’s hidden realities as possible out of pure love and interest, not for any personal gain what so ever.
Having made it back to my old self, I realized that in recent years with my new marriage and family life and added responsibilities I still meditated, I still had wonderful lessons and experiences but the motive was clouded. I was focused on how the meditation could help with my holding together my business, family life etc. more than I was into it just for the pure love and enjoyment of it. I knew from experience that the meditation and metaphysics would help me achieve all the things I needed to achieve in life and unknowingly too often had the seemingly important duties of house, family, security, and achievement for most in mind. I must say that my spiritual life has helped me to hold it all together and take care of all these duties, sometimes against great odds. I have even experienced miracles in the process.
But as I said before, now I am back into the meditation for the interest and discoveries more than to fix whatever thing is going on at the moment, and it feels very freeing and incredibly good. As I think about this and watch one of my favorite videos on spiritual life, my headache that I have had all day leaves. This of course is a reminder that I am on the right track. I am so thankful.
In the midst of my happiness, peace and calm excitement, I find myself wanting to build the Meditative Zone community. I have been doing this for sometime but had recently had been somewhat laid back, lacking the enthusiasm that I first had for the venture. Now once again I find myself wanting to move forward on it like it is part of my life’s mission for new reasons that have nothing to do with ego and accomplishment. In some way I feel like this is what God has been wanting for me, and been waiting on me to do, move forward with the meditative science purely for the love and discovery, and share all that I learn along the way. I can see that I need to share more. Share as much as I can about God and the wonderful ways of the Universe and connect more with those who are truly interested. I plan to go this with the Meditative Zone and Positive Ambassador Community and Movement.
This morning I was at a place where I needed a sign. See yesterday I was my normal happy self when all of a sudden bam!, out of nowhere, something entered my world. Just when I thought I was at peace and untouchable. Someone who I love and care about and give a lot of myself to expressed great resentment, enormous resentment, and even dislike and disrespect for me. I tried to let go, and it worked to a certain extent, but I knew my peace was gone. I came to many conclusions but the ultimate one was that I needed to let go of my false self. I needed to remind myself that I am nobody. Even though I was thinking this is what I need to do, I was not feeling it.
The next morning I decided to look for a sign when I went on the computer. I was hoping for a sign to help me gain my peace back. I figured I would see one in the current book I am working on or in the archives of my blog. For some reason I went to my emails first. One caught my eye from Karen, a member of MeditativeZone.com and PositiveAmbassador.Org. She commenting on a lesson I had done about two months ago in the Enlightenment Members section. She was saying that she likes the weekly lessons but for some reason she keeps coming back to one in particular because it is so deep and one she needs to work on. It was titled Let Go Of Your False Self, I Am Nobody. This of course was my answer. Just as I thought. I need to remember that I am Nobody. I am not the person that the other person is mad at. That is their perception of me. That is who they think I am, colored by whatever issues they may or not have, that have nothing to do with me. In the scheme of things I am not even Craig. I am the soul and spirit playing the part of Craig. Most importantly I am an instrument of God and The Universe, here for specific reasons, trying to give and be in the ways God wants me to.
When I remembered all of this, I felt totally different. In that moment I could barely feel my body. I knew this was my message from God and I was at peace. The interesting thing is, I thought about this before, but could not feel it. But when I asked God to give me a sign and it showed up right away being the very same lesson I was thinking about, that did it. I was suddenly in a whole different place.
Thank you for reading